6.00: G-Had TV.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: Koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The Koran. Again.